If you are a mother, be a mother first

If you are a mother, be a mother first. 

This week, I read a post from my friend in the Philippines, Claire Delfin, who is also a TV journalist, in which she says, “If you are a mother, be a mother first.” This struck me big time and made me think about my feelings. It made me evaluate myself and asked, “Have I fully accepted my role to be as mother, or am I just doing it because I’ve got no choice?

I am 39 weeks pregnant now and I am very heavy!

While I am excited to see my baby and hold him/her in my arms, my worry now is the pain of giving birth and my capability as a mother. I’m questioning myself. Can I do it? Will I be good enough?

I am selfish – I admit it, and I am not shy about it, and this pregnancy really has tested me a lot. I do not say that I’ve completely overcome this selfishness – in fact, this whole time I’ve kept thinking about my career. I keep wondering if there will still be a place for me in the media when I get back. I still think of myself a lot – I still think about me, me, me, and the career that I’ve left.

I realized that I have not fully accepted motherhood. My mind is still all over the place and I am afraid that I won’t be able to perform my duty if I still keep thinking about my career and the things that I still want to do. Since I have been given this opportunity to be a mother, then I think I should be a mother first.

One of Claire’s other reflections says, “Find joy in the privilege of nurturing and molding a child to become the best person he/she can be. Your child is a reflection of you. More importantly, there is no greater gift you can give to this world than to raise children who will make this world better.”

Last night I talked to Michael about my feelings and somehow I felt better. I think I am ready now; I think I am ready to be a mother and I think I will be a good mother.