It’s been twenty years since my dad passed away on eve of the new millennium. As the years passed by I am gradually losing my memory of him – sometimes I can even barely remember what he looked like unless I look at his old photos. Is this normal? Is it really possible to forget the image of someone as close as your father?
Why can I not I recall the face of my dead father? I feel so guilty. I’ve read in an online forum that says it is part of your trauma. It does not mean that you have forgotten them or you don’t love them anymore. Their picture comes back to your memory after you’re partly healed but, I am no longer in pain. In fact, I am very much healed now so why do I have problem remembering him now?
This is horrible. The worst thing is that I think about him more often now that I am pregnant but what do I really remember of him? My thoughts are empty but I know that there is someone close to me who I want to be here right now at this stage in my life.
Fortunately, I still remember his voice with the help of the video at my brother’s wedding. And, I remember all the lessons that he taught me. He used to tell me not to exhaust myself on Saturday night so I have energy for Sunday and he kept reminding me that I cannot live like the other girls because I am a pastor’s daughter.
So have I really forgotten my father? I am not really forgetting him but it is the image of him that faded over the years. I may not think of him everyday but my subconscious mind is telling me that there is an important person in my life somewhere. I remember him full well today, 20 years after his passing. I remember his flat top haircut, his voice, his jokes, his mannerisms, and most of all his innocence.
It is almost twenty years since my father died on December 31, 1999. So to commemorate his life I made a list of some of the things that I cannot forget about him:
- I cannot forget how he invited his friend who has mental illness to join in our family picture. He invited him just like asking him to join in a lunch and I remember my brother’s reaction was like “oh god dad, you did not just do that!”
2. Dad didn’t eat duck because he said they swallow saliva in the pond (lol). So one night we lied to him and told him it was chicken and not a duck and despite being reluctant, he believed us and ate it. We told him the truth after he swallowed the food.
3. Once, he came home bragging to us how fearless he was when he returned the milk that he bought for mom because it was not the right flavor. Despite him insisting that he was fearless nobody believed him because we all know that he is incapable of raising his voice.
4. I remember he always told us that when somebody brags, just let them brag – it will not cost you anything but to just listen.
Effe moves to the UK 